Love. Why is it So Elusive?

I watched a movie a while back called “Les Poupees Russes,” and it was absolutely amazing. The movie includes some very interesting quotes about dating and love. Some of my favorites: My thoughts are in italics.

Wendy: I know most girls they get weak on their knees for what’s beautiful, you know, that’s all they see, that’s all they want. But I’m not like that. I don’t just see what’s beautiful. I fall for the other stuff. I love what’s not perfect. It’s just how I am.

Is love supposed to be beautiful? Maybe love is meant to be imperfect. Maybe love is meant to be painful, and slightly harsh. Maybe the boring relationships are the relationships that never experience fights and turmoil. Maybe part of the beauty of love and relationships is the pain that you experience. Why is it that the most challenging relationships are the ones you fall for the hardest, and the most stable relationships are the ones with which you get bored? Why are the best foods in life unhealthy? Why is asparagus (quite possibly the nastiest vegetable on the planet), so healthy? Does love function in this paradigm as well?
Wendy: Maybe the day to day dirt is part of love.

Xavier: What’s all this shit about love? How do we get so nuts? The time we waste! When you’re alone, you cry, “Will I find her?” When you’re not- “Does she love me as much as I love her?” “Can we love more than one person in a lifetime?” “Why do we split up? All these fucking questions! You can’t say we’re uninformed. We read love stories, fairy tales, novels. We watch movies. Love, love, love…!”

Xavier: If I think about all the girls I’ve known or slept with or just desired, they’re like a bunch of Russian dolls. We spend our lives playing the game dying to know who’ll be the last, the teeny-tiny one hidden inside all the others. You can’t just get to her right away. You have to follow the progression. You have to open them one by one wondering, “Is she the last?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately, and how hard it is to find. Some relationships come easily, while other relationships have you practically bending over backwards just to get a kiss on the cheek. I wonder about the quality of these relationships. Is it really true that the relationships you find most challenging, are the most worthwhile? Why is it that the most effortless relationships often turn out to be the relationships that don’t leave you breathless like the other ones? I once came across a quote that stated, “Nothing worth having in this world comes easy.” I wonder if this statement is true when it comes to relationships.

People often say that their most successful relationships have come to them by chance. Those relationships came out of nowhere, when those people were done with searching for a relationship, and done with the pain that came with trying to search for the one. Those relationships came when they stopped the search, began to focus on themselves, and bettering their own lives. This dynamic is reflected in a scene I once saw in a movie, where a woman was describing her search for the perfect relationship.

She discussed searching in a field for ladybugs, spending hours to no avail. Finally, after nearly a day of searching, she was so tired that she fell asleep in the fields. When she woke up, there were ladybugs all over her.

Are we supposed to leave something as important as our love lives to the tides of fate? Is fate the only thing that will ever bring us together? Is it even possible to find someone who will make you feel complete? I often think about my past relationships and can clearly see why none of them have worked out. As someone who is still somewhat of a romantic idealist, I dream about the day when I will meet the perfect woman – the day when I will finally know why none of my past relationships have worked out. But sometimes, I also wonder if that day will ever happen. Does “true, one-and-only, soul-mate love” really exist? Or is it just a tale fabricated by all-too-beautiful movies and the random trashy romance novel?

I can see why many people in modern relationships today choose to “blend,” as one character in the movie, “Kissing Jessica Stein” so eloquently put it. Her theory was that it is impossible to find just one lover to fit all your needs, and that you need to find multiple lovers to satisfy all your needs. One for when you’re bored, one for when you’re horny, one for when you’re hungry, and maybe one for when you’re sick.

But still, something deep down in my heart, though slightly crushed by my increasing cynicism, is still waiting for the one I’ve been waiting for. The one who can make me the luckiest girl in the world.