Protected: What I’m Looking for in a Girl

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

 

How Lesbian Are You? (Signs of Lesbianism)

It is my goal in this post to be offensive, to be humorous, and to adhere to outdated stereotypes.

1. You like the Indigo Girls
2. You like Ani DiFranco
3. You watch the L Word
4. You like Tegan & Sara
5. You enjoy Melissa Etheridge
6. Every time you watch a movie, you search for lesbian references or hints of lesbianism.
7. You think Ellen DeGeneres is amazing
8. You know what people mean when they say “See you in August!”
9. You know what the upside-down triangle stands for.
10. You like hummus
11. You have a cat, or two, or 3,000
12. You know what the Dinah Shore Weekend is all about.
13. You know these movies: “Better than Chocolate,” “D.e.b.s,” and “But I’m a Cheerleader”
14. You like comfortable shoes
15. You have been on a softball team, or are on one
16. You like the WNBA
17. You enjoy hockey, football, or rugby
18. You have a fascination with cars and know how they work
19. You have ever had to say something like, “yeah..i’m going out next weekend with my…uh…boyfriend.”
20. Your current girlfriend has dated your one of your ex-girlfriends or your friend’s girlfriend and you have also dated your friend’s girlfriend.
21. You enjoy wearing plaid
22. You like to shop in the mens’ section
23. You know what people mean when they reference “toasters” with regard to lesbians
24. You know why Palm Springs is special
25. You go to sports games to watch the cheerleaders, and when they kick up their legs, you blush madly.
26. You have been secretly in love with your best female friend before.
27. You are vegan or a vegetarian.
28. You’re really into organic foods and co-ops.
29. You live in a co-op.
30. You’ve ever listened to your favorite love song and substituted “her” for “him.”
31. You instinctively scan every girl you’re interested in for rainbows, rainbow paraphernalia, or the all too common bisexual inner wrist tattoo.
32. You have many tattoos and piercings.
33. You are connected by 2 degrees of separation to every other lesbian on the planet.
34. You own a black, studded belt. And you wear it with EVERYTHING.
35. You own a lot of t-shirts and tank tops.
36. You own tons of band t-shirts.
37. You care deeply about mother earth
38. You’ve had a HUGE crush on at least one of your female teachers.
39. If you’ve ever painstakingly gathered information in an attempt to find out if any of the L word characters are actually gay.
40. If your alcoholic drink of choice is beer.
41. If you think t shirts that say “i’m not gay but my girlfriend is” are funny
42. If you’ve ever done country line dancing
43. If you enjoy references to beavers
44. If you wear boxers to sleep
45. If you feel a strange but powerful pull towards basketball shorts
46. You plan on going on a cruise with the Oliva Cruise line someday.
47. You are SO glad Angelina Jolie is bisexual.

 

Lazy Mornings…and straight girls

You looked so cute coming down the stairs this morning. I couldn’t help but smile at you as you walked down the stairs towards me, having just woken up. You brushed your hair back a little and smiled back at me. “How did you sleep,” I asked, as my chest filled with warmth.

 

Love. Why is it So Elusive?

I watched a movie a while back called “Les Poupees Russes,” and it was absolutely amazing. The movie includes some very interesting quotes about dating and love. Some of my favorites: My thoughts are in italics.

Wendy: I know most girls they get weak on their knees for what’s beautiful, you know, that’s all they see, that’s all they want. But I’m not like that. I don’t just see what’s beautiful. I fall for the other stuff. I love what’s not perfect. It’s just how I am.

Is love supposed to be beautiful? Maybe love is meant to be imperfect. Maybe love is meant to be painful, and slightly harsh. Maybe the boring relationships are the relationships that never experience fights and turmoil. Maybe part of the beauty of love and relationships is the pain that you experience. Why is it that the most challenging relationships are the ones you fall for the hardest, and the most stable relationships are the ones with which you get bored? Why are the best foods in life unhealthy? Why is asparagus (quite possibly the nastiest vegetable on the planet), so healthy? Does love function in this paradigm as well?
Wendy: Maybe the day to day dirt is part of love.

Xavier: What’s all this shit about love? How do we get so nuts? The time we waste! When you’re alone, you cry, “Will I find her?” When you’re not- “Does she love me as much as I love her?” “Can we love more than one person in a lifetime?” “Why do we split up? All these fucking questions! You can’t say we’re uninformed. We read love stories, fairy tales, novels. We watch movies. Love, love, love…!”

Xavier: If I think about all the girls I’ve known or slept with or just desired, they’re like a bunch of Russian dolls. We spend our lives playing the game dying to know who’ll be the last, the teeny-tiny one hidden inside all the others. You can’t just get to her right away. You have to follow the progression. You have to open them one by one wondering, “Is she the last?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately, and how hard it is to find. Some relationships come easily, while other relationships have you practically bending over backwards just to get a kiss on the cheek. I wonder about the quality of these relationships. Is it really true that the relationships you find most challenging, are the most worthwhile? Why is it that the most effortless relationships often turn out to be the relationships that don’t leave you breathless like the other ones? I once came across a quote that stated, “Nothing worth having in this world comes easy.” I wonder if this statement is true when it comes to relationships.

People often say that their most successful relationships have come to them by chance. Those relationships came out of nowhere, when those people were done with searching for a relationship, and done with the pain that came with trying to search for the one. Those relationships came when they stopped the search, began to focus on themselves, and bettering their own lives. This dynamic is reflected in a scene I once saw in a movie, where a woman was describing her search for the perfect relationship.

She discussed searching in a field for ladybugs, spending hours to no avail. Finally, after nearly a day of searching, she was so tired that she fell asleep in the fields. When she woke up, there were ladybugs all over her.

Are we supposed to leave something as important as our love lives to the tides of fate? Is fate the only thing that will ever bring us together? Is it even possible to find someone who will make you feel complete? I often think about my past relationships and can clearly see why none of them have worked out. As someone who is still somewhat of a romantic idealist, I dream about the day when I will meet the perfect woman – the day when I will finally know why none of my past relationships have worked out. But sometimes, I also wonder if that day will ever happen. Does “true, one-and-only, soul-mate love” really exist? Or is it just a tale fabricated by all-too-beautiful movies and the random trashy romance novel?

I can see why many people in modern relationships today choose to “blend,” as one character in the movie, “Kissing Jessica Stein” so eloquently put it. Her theory was that it is impossible to find just one lover to fit all your needs, and that you need to find multiple lovers to satisfy all your needs. One for when you’re bored, one for when you’re horny, one for when you’re hungry, and maybe one for when you’re sick.

But still, something deep down in my heart, though slightly crushed by my increasing cynicism, is still waiting for the one I’ve been waiting for. The one who can make me the luckiest girl in the world.