Beautiful love

Thinking about her makes me weak. Wrapped up in her arms is exactly where I belong. When I think about her, sometimes I feel so much love that I could cry. How did I get to be the luckiest girl in the world? Anywhere could feel like home, as long as I had her arms around me. I feel like I just discovered one of life’s biggest secrets. I’m so lucky. The world around me is colored with her love.

Memories I love: Sharing alpaca steak in Peru, noticing how beautiful she looked standing at the train station, running to her house covered in sweat last summer, waking up at 2PM, leaving her a note and wandering around her neighborhood, coming home to her smiles every day, cuddling close in the Fremont, not ever finishing the romantic comedy we started, pulling her down on the floor with me, sitting in her lap while drinking wine, pulling her closer in to me at The Cafe in San Francisco, taking road trips with her down south, stopping at Starbucks, grabbing In N Out, waking up early to go to Peru, seeing her go to bed early in my bed, smiling seeing how peaceful she looked, being surprised by her taking me to see The Phantom of the Opera, dancing with her in the Castro, noticing how sexy (and adorable) she looked swaying next to me, not seeing anyone else in the club but her, kissing her all night, having tea with her at Samovar, getting a text from her even though she was right next to me, cuddling closer to her in the middle of the night, walking up Bernal hill together, kissing her, working from home together on Fridays, seeing her smile, lean over, and kiss me, going to Love Sushi with her, wine drenched sunset nights in Carmel, fuzzy romantic memories, noticing how breathtaking she looked at dinner at the Foreign Cinema…

 

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Love in the city

We had the most amazing weekend…going on a sunset cruise under the Golden Gate and around Sausalito, trying dim sum in Chinatown, watching a great movie at the AMC Loews theater downtown, biking through the city and across the Golden Gate, and sharing Irish coffee at the Buena Vista. It’s crazy how much I love her…sometimes I wonder if maybe we were just meant to be. Kissing her wearing our bike helmets while standing on the Golden Gate made me feel so unbelievably happy – I felt like I was falling in  love with her all over again.

 

A year later

…and I still get butterflies when she wraps her arms around me and pulls me in closer early in the morning. Happiness is waking up with her still holding me close, and feeling her breathing gently on my neck as she sleeps. How did I get so lucky?

 

A girl can dream

Sometimes, when we’re cuddled close in bed, and I can feel her arms around me, holding me tight, I imagine a ring around her finger. I feel butterflies rushing through my body like wildfire. When I consciously think to myself, “I’m lying in bed with my wife,” I feel so weak and so proud that I can hardly stand it.

 

Signing on today…

with nothing more to say than, God, I love this girl. Waking up with her every morning makes every day the happiest of my life.

 

You’re my favorite work of art

It’s 5:30AM, and I’m incredibly sleepy. I’m awake for no reason in particular – other than the fact that I’m enjoying my holiday by doing something that you definitely can’t do when you’re on your regular 8-5 work schedule. I’m staying up and writing a WordPress entry.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about three months now. Not very long, but it certainly feels like we’ve been dating for longer.  I’ve never been so happy in such a mature, adult way. I suppose my past relationships have prepared me for this point in my life, where I can love someone in a way that isn’t immature, and feels positively amazing.

Sometimes I wonder if she’ll be mine forever. At this point, I love her so much that I can’t imagine anything else. She’s gorgeous…everything about her takes my breath away. She’s thoughtful, she’s playful, she’s passionate, she’s driven, she’s intelligent and she makes my heart melt. I admire her, respect her and adore her all at the same time. Just hearing her voice makes me giddy. I love her for all her thoughts, her love for her friends, the way she loves to cook, the way she hates having too many “things,” the way she loves travel, how she is always trying to practice Spanish, and for how much she loves her father.

Sometimes, when I look at her, I think to myself about how lucky I am that she’s mine. Sometimes she looks so beautiful and radiant from across a room that it feels almost unreal that I’m the girl she thinks about at night. I will never forget taking her to the airport at 4 in the morning, and snuggling with her in the car in the parking lot. I’ll never forget walking her through the airport and having breakfast with her in the terminal. Kissing her goodbye. She’s mine…all mine, and I couldn’t be more proud to say that she’s my girl.

The other day, I sat next to her as she played peek-a-boo with a little girl sitting at a table across from us. She looked so happy, so silly, and at the same time, so  beautiful. I don’t know why, but I fell completely in love with her after seeing her play with the little girl. I couldn’t stop laughing – not because the situation was funny, but because of how happy seeing her like that made me feel. I thought of her as a mother, and I thought of being there with her through that. She would be the most amazing mother in the world. I wouldn’t mind having kids if I got to see her so happy every day. God she melts my heart…

 

come on get higher

Come on get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love…

She is amazing. Every day I spend with her makes me fall harder and harder for her. Every little thing I learn about her as the days pass makes me respect and love her more. I feel so safe and warm whenever I am with her, and I feel absolutely happy and content in all our time together – regardless of what we’re doing.

At this point, I’ve let go of all bungee lines and torn apart all safety nets, and I am happier than ever. Just holding her hand makes me feel like the happiest woman alive. Sitting in the car with her, holding hands even while she dozes off as I drive is the best feeling in the world. I don’t think she knows it, but as we talk in the car, butterflies are rushing up and down my body, and my heart feels weak and proud because I know that she’s mine. I don’t think she knows, but when we are together, sometimes I feel so much love for her that it’s hard to contain it.

I remember holding her in my arms as we woke up this morning. I remembered that it was the morning of the one month mark of when we decided to become exclusive. I remember kissing her, pulling her close, seeing her smile and kiss me, and feeling overwhelmed with a hurricane of dizzying emotions. We lay there, snuggled close, and she reached up to stretch, smiling happily. She was the cutest thing in the world.

One of my favorite memories: Cuddling in bed, with her arms around me, holding me close. Listening to “The Nearness of You” by Norah Jones…feeling every word. Feeling her squeeze and kiss me gently at the end of the song. Feeling safe, feeling warm…smiling…falling asleep.

It’s probably too soon to feel this way.

All I know is that I can’t wait for the day when I’ll tell her that I’m falling for her….

(…that I love her?)

 

Greetings from the city.

I am so happy. I think her lap is my favorite place in the whole world.

 

Nightclubs and Nightlife

I met a girl about two weeks ago. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, and she smells like cool water. Davidoff Cool Water, to be exact. I sprayed some of her perfume on my shirt this morning before leaving her apartment, just to freshen up a bit, and the scent has been on me all day. It smells heavenly.

We went out dancing last night, and had an amazing time. No one parties better than the gay boys. In her words, “In a lesbian bar, you could probably replace the alcohol with tea, and no one would know the difference.” Never a truer word been said.

Not so in a gay bar. Madonna, Fergie, and 80s music mixed with contemporary beats is the best music for a night of wild and crazy dancing. Gay boys were making out everywhere, gyrating, scoping out the scene, and red lights were flashing over disco lights.

She left this morning to see some friends in the East Bay, so she dropped me off at a BART station in the city before heading out. She gave me a kiss in the car before she drove away. It felt so intimate…like we were together already. It’s only been two hours since I saw her last, and I miss her already. She’s going on a trip for two weeks at the end of the upcoming week, and I already know I’m going to miss her. It’s hard when you like someone so much so soon, and you aren’t even sure if that level of affection is warranted. I don’t even want to date anyone else anymore…all I want is her. This hasn’t happened to me in a while – I’ve always enjoyed dating people casually, while not expecting too much.

It’s been about 3 months since my last relationship, and for the first time, I want to be in a relationship with someone else. I remember being at the bar with her that night while she was ordering drinks for us – my arms wrapped tightly around her from behind. I felt like she was mine. And she was, at least during that moment, and I felt like I was holding the most beautiful girl in the world.

I remember her stroking my leg while we were being hit on by a random straight man in the bar, and I remember feeling very safe, very loved, and very happy. I remember taking her arm and wrapping it around me from behind because I was cold walking through the streets of San Francisco, and I remember her holding me tight and not letting go.

I want to listen to jazz with her, and laugh with her, and watch romantic comedies on the couch with her while holding her tight. I want to smile and wrap my arms around her while she’s cooking in the kitchen. I want to hold her hand while walking around in the Castro. Or anywhere else for that matter. I’m scared. I don’t want to get hurt. But for once, it feels like this could be worth it.