Protected: What I’ve Been Wondering Lately…

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Password Protection…

Hey there everyone,

I am going to start password protecting certain posts for privacy reasons, but would still love for you all to be able to read those entries. If you want access to all of my password protected posts, please comment on this entry with your email address, and I will send you the password that will allow you to read all of the protected posts. Otherwise, I will still be writing public entries every so often. Cheers!

xoxo,

sexandsanfrancisco

 

Protected: Confusion

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Ex Sex

Ex-sex. It’s hard to properly enunciate if you say it fast. It’s also hard to predict what will happen after an encounter of that nature. You know what people say. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it. It’s nothing but trouble. For some reason, after a couple of glasses of wine, and some reminiscing about the past, it feels as though there is no other alternative. Particularly when your ex is sitting on your lap, with her legs wrapped around you, practically pleading with you for one (or several) last times.

This is what happened this past weekend, when I drove down to south to visit my friends, and told my ex that I would drop by on the way back up to the city. As it turns out, dropping by turned into more of a night over, especially since I was tired after a long day of being in the car. And sleeping with her arms around me just seemed so appealing, especially considering the alternative - a longer drive home, in the dark, only to fall asleep, exhausted, all by my lonesome. Shame, shame, shame…I know. I am only human.

The feeling of her lips on mine again was intoxicating - perhaps even better than it was when we were together. I knew it was because of the forbidden aspect, but that didn’t prevent it from being an irresistible experience. The more she kissed me, the more I resisted, but after her arms wrapped around me along with her legs, and after I caught the scent of her delicious perfume, resistance was futile. My morals and restraint were all shot to hell. Besides, I thought, I loved her, and part of me loved her still. The soft jazz playing in the background made it near-impossible to avoid the ominous, vilified phrase: Sex with the Ex.

“What will happen if we do this?” I asked, terrified of what it could all mean.

“Nothing…I promise I won’t want a relationship out of this.”

My fears were somewhat abated. I let my defenses fall. I let it happen. It was incredible. Why is sex with the ex always so exhilarating, so passion-filled and so amazing? I’m sure we all know the answer. It’s wrong. And you think it will never happen again. All the more incentive to make it unforgettable. I felt the warmth of her body against mine, I smelled the sweet scent of her pretty hair, and I lost myself in what felt like the passion that only comes from your first love. I was deluded, no doubt, but the rush was undeniable.

We spent the remainder of the night cuddling just the way we used to - her arms around me tight, holding me from behind. I felt so safe. I sighed and leaned into her warmth. I woke in the morning to kisses. I could get used to this, I thought. But I still knew that this was something that would never last. Why the body and emotions will sometimes never align with the mind is something I will never be able to understand fully. I spent the remainder of the drive up north listening to emotional love songs, thinking of her. My emotions ran amok, while my mind calmly told me that I should simmer down, since I knew we were incompatible.

“Sex with an ex can be depressing,” Samantha Jones, of Sex and the City muses, “if it’s good, you don’t have it anymore. If it’s bad, you just had sex with an ex.”

How true she was. And now, I am discovering the consequences of sex with the ex. My entire drive was spent glancing at cute texts filled with sweet nothings from the ex. Now she is a larger part of my life than she really should be. Now I feel more for her than I really should feel. Now my life is that much less open to the woman of my dreams, should she walk into my life.

Emotions are complex. Ideas about always following your heart are fueled by idealistic romantic comedies, books and poetry that wish that the world were perfect. In a perfect world, we could all follow our hearts and live happily ever after. In the real world, it seems that a combination of logic and emotion must mix to create the perfect elixir for finding lasting love.

“Why won’t you just follow your heart for ONCE?!” My ex once exclaimed.

“I do,” I answered. But look what happens when you follow JUST your heart and completely ignore your head.

Not all love works out in the end. Even if it were the most pure, real, and strongest of loves. As John Mayer’s song Split Screen Sadness goes, “All you need is love is a lie, cause we had a love but we still said goodbye, now we’re tired, battered fighters.”

Love may not always last forever, and it does not always end in wedded bliss. There are a myriad of reasons why a love affair can end. But what I think we can be thankful for, in the very end, is the fact that love happened.

 

Protected: You Know You Like a Girl When…

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Protected: The Bisexual Girl

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Protected: Taking the Plunge

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Protected: The Girlfriend Voice

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Protected: The Ex Factor

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The Perfect Scent

A couple of weeks ago, a friend and I went shopping downtown to search for our new signature scents. After all, we had been using our older scents for a while, and while they did smell good, we wanted something new. Using the same scent is comfortable and safe, but after a while, you don’t notice the smell anymore. It’s a new season - time to throw on some new eau du parfum!

As we browsed through Sephora, we went through a myriad of different scents. Florals, orientals, musky scents, bright scents, fruity scents…the options were endless. Each scent had its pluses, but also its minuses. Some scents came on too strong, while some scents faded quickly. Some scents were simple and pleasant, while others smelled simple at first, but as time passed, faded into complex and beautiful aromas you never knew existed after the initial spray. It became apparent that choosing a great scent that complemented our personalities and selves was going to be a trying process.

Finding the perfect scent that brings out the best in you and fits your personality and style is a lot like finding the perfect partner. There are so many scents to choose from, and sometimes you get so lost in the search that you actually numb out your sense of smell and can’t tell the difference between perfumes. There is a risk that comes with trying too many scents (numb nose, anyone?), and there is also a risk with trying only one and settling because “it smells okay enough.”

We spent nearly two hours scouring the shelves for the perfect scents to complement our personalities. After all, quality perfumes are often expensive. If you wanted to find the best scent for you, you had to go through many bad scents to finally find that special one. You had to be careful, because if you made your decision hastily and purchased the first perfume you thought smelled decent, you would probably go home and find out that you made the wrong decision. And for that decision, you would have paid dearly. Choosing your scent, like choosing your partner, was to be done carefully.

Marc Jacobs Daisy. Burberry London. Burberry Brit. Armani Code. Dior Poison (that one was a mistake!). So many scents. So many seemed to fit. I liked Burberry Brit and Armani Code. I also liked Kenzo. What was I to do? I liked them all for different reasons, and all of them seemed like they would have been good choices - ones that I would not have regretted. Was I supposed to be actively searching so hard for a perfume, I wondered? Or should I have just waited to run into a page in a magazine that happened to smell nice? Do you have to search for your soul-mate by sorting through masses of people? Or do you wait until you run into the man or woman of your dreams spontaneously? I wondered if my search for a perfume, like my search for my soul-mate, was supposed to be the product of many painful dates with many different scents.

I knew what I wanted. I wanted a perfume that smelled great initially, but then also surprised you by fading into the most complex, beautiful aromas with tantalizing and exhilarating notes that you never would have expected. I wanted a scent that would not remind me of any other scent - one that was truly one of a kind.

After several more aggravated spritzes of random perfumes, my friend and I left the store, feeling a little upset with our fruitless search. We left the store, discussing all the time we had wasted. “I’ll never find my signature perfume.” “It’s too difficult.” “Maybe we should just stop looking and we’ll just come across one that we like someday.” Someday. As we drove home, I kept catching whiffs of the Armani Code I had spritzed on the neck of my shirt.

Mmmm. I sighed. It smelled delicious. I went about the house, putting down my bags and began to wash the dishes. The magical, seductive scent of vanilla and hints of sandalwood teased my senses. I ignored it. I walked over to my computer and began to check my emails. A musky, beautiful, lightly spiced scent begged for my attention. I breathed it in and sighed. I went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I could still smell Armani all over me. It wasn’t there, but I couldn’t stop thinking about its delicious, mysterious, subtle aroma. It made me feel comfortable, and it felt like home. Then it hit me. The perfect perfume for you is the one that you try, that you perhaps walk away from, but that you still cannot manage to get out of your head. The perfect perfume is the perfume that lingers and stays on your mind, even when it’s not there. It’s the scent that captures your heart for the rest of your life.

I had to purchase it. I went back the next day, grabbed the bottle, and have never looked back. I’ve been in love ever since.